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HAVE COLD SHOWERS


I’m not really in ‘awesome’ advice mood today, maybe because I’m in a café that specializes in chocolate cakes that shit on anything you see in masterchef.

I probably should have taken a photo before I ate the thing…

So in this sluggish ‘I need a nap’ state I’m in it reminds me of how I wake up in the mornings, cold showers.

Not only would I have lost 60% of readers in the first sentence confessing I’m feeling lazy, I bet I’ve now lost the other 39% by daring to ever connect the two words, cold and shower together.

So firstly, I’d just like to say, hi Mum. You always support the work I do and I know you’re the only one reading on from here.

Now, I just want to first state I don’t mean having just a cold shower, I’m not fucking crazy (sorry for the cussing Mother). But just the last 30 seconds of the shower.

Okay firstly because there are actually insane benefits;

  • Improves circulation

  • Relieves Depression

  • Keeps skin and hair healthy

  • Strengthens Immunity

  • Increases Fertility (could be a benefit or a danger)

  • Increases energy and well-being

Sure, they all sound good but I’ll tell you something that may blow your mind Mum.

Once you turn the (cold) shower off… You get warmer.

Yep, you read that right Mother dearest. Think about it… It’s the middle of winter and it’s 5 degrees Celsius (that took me 6 times to spell Celsius right, those school fees are paying themselves off Mum) in the bathroom. You have a hot shower, 40 degrees or so… You just turn that shower off you’re coming back from 40 degrees… Of course you’re going to freeze your tits off.

But if you end with a cold shower, which I'm guessing/feels like is 2 degrees. Once you turn the shower off, 5 degrees it’s like the Sahara desert. Getting back into your room to dress will be a (warm) breeze.

So in conclusion, tap into the benefits and bathe in feeling good. Dial back the heat and… I was going to try and kind of pun the whole last bit but I felt like stabbing my chocolate covered fork in my eye for being such a loser.

Hot shower for 80% and last 20% go cold and spin around like a constipated ballerina.

Thanks for reading Mum.

Listen to my podcast with the best Australian comedians about advice (search for 'Get S**t Done' in iTunes) and subscribe to the newsletter below, I sent fun stuff.


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