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BALI.


I’ve been ‘living’ in Bali for almost 2 months now and just had a small brief urge to share what it’s been like compared to living in Australia. The urge is actually almost gone as it’s always so fucking hot that resting your hands on a hot laptop typing and thinking is WAY harder than ordering a Bintang on the beach (50 metres away).

I’ve always liked working, I think ‘success looks a lot like hard work’ (Ashton Kutcher… I know, Ashton Kutcher?), so I try and achieve something everyday… But over here it’s not that easy. The first week I was here I remember ordering a coffee and it took about 10 minutes for it to come and I was losing my shit. ‘The fuck is going on. Where is my shitty Mocha? Why do I still not like the taste of coffee? I’m such a loser!’

I have now discovered there is totally a thing called ‘Bali time’ and everyone is on it. It means things don’t happen quickly and everyone is cool with that. No one ever seems to have to be anywhere at a certain time. I almost think alarms haven’t made their way to Bali yet. The sound of roosters (fucking millions of them) or a grandma sweeping (fuck me, so much sweeping) at 6:30am are the only alarms people need.

On a side note, the constant sweeping and rooster cocadoodledoo’s has done some physiological damage I’m sure. I was considering going vegetarian but after those roosters, I want them all dead and to eat the entire species (not really).

So readjusting my clock to Bali time didn’t take too long, in fact it was very easy. The humidity, the heat and cheap beers meant that just like stone cold Steve Austin, every time 3:16pm rolls around I just want to smash 2 Bintangs together and pour them over my face.

I have definitely lost my focus to an extent whilst being here. It’s hard going ANYWHERE for lunch or dinner and seeing big groups drinking and in ‘holiday-mode’ because flicking from work mode to holiday mode is like getting a drunk tattoo in Kuta, fucking easy to do.

Speaking of Kuta, it’s amazing to see how unique each village (suburb) is over here. If you have a low IQ, a sleeve tattoo, Australian and racist look no further than Kuta.

If you are cashed up, on a holiday for less than a week and wear designer sunglasses Seminyak is your one stop shop.

If you still like a little bit of culture, quieter streets, a surf vibe, very friendly people and healthy food Canggu is one of the nicest places I’ve been too. I don’t know how long for, everyday a shop or restaurant opens in Canggu and it’ll be the next Seminyak before long.

Anyways, this isn’t the Discovery channel but my tiny overview of those three villages of Bali.

Just from my point of view right now, the heat is getting to me and I don’t have much interest in finishing this because… It’s hot, humid and I feel like a beer. SEE that’s what happens here.

I know everyone understands south east Asian roads and how ‘crazy’ they are. I have my motorbike license and have ridden most my life (so now that you can’t judge me for being a cockhead westerner on a bike) there are so many cockhead westerners on bikes here. I’m pretty sure the louder your bike, the smaller your cock. It’s science.

It’s upsetting to see people undervalue their own lives and the lives around them when they hoon down the street with no helmets, flying past local mothers holding their baby in one hand with the other hand on a scooter. Yeah I believe, ‘fuckhead’ is the technical term for people like that.

Food, shit yeah, food. I don’t know how Australia has such a good wrap for food while Indonesia doesn’t even get a look in. From local Warung places (like a buffet of local food) to the renowned international restaurants the food is absolutely insane. Cheap, fresh, tasty, authentic (even international food) and cheap. That’s maybe why it’s so good to me, because I can’t justify a $46 AUD pasta dish in Australia’s top restaurants, but also, fuck anyone who can justify it… Go back to Seminyak for your 4 day holiday sporting your Marc Jacobs sunnys.

Alcohol, I’ve expressed my love for the local beer Bintang already but what I find hilarious is that for each batch of ‘Tang they brew, the recipe changes slightly which mean some beers are like 3.5% XXXX gold and some beers can be like a 7.5% craft beer and rock your socks. You can never tell. Apparently fake spirits is massive here but I’m not as concerned as I should be, I’ve made my own alcohol before and if that didn’t send me blind, nothing will.

Arrak, google that shit. That is made locally and they sell it in plastic bags, much like when you buy a goldfish back when you were 11 years old. It’s fucked. 35-45% alcohol and it’s hit you for 6. Had dinner at a locals house with a group of us and they get one cup, pour a shot, you smash it, they fill it and then the next person smashes it. It’s a cool/insanely unhygienic way to sit in a circle and skull Arrak and backwash.

Well, I’ve written close to 1000 words and on Bali time, I’ve put in a massive day’s work. I’ve got a couple more weeks here and I have no idea what’ll be like when I get back to Australia. Will Melbourne time be overwhelming or will it be good to get back to working hard and not craving beer so much? Or do I fly out of Bali and back in for another 30 day tourist visa again? Time/Bintangs will tell.

Note: I’m bad at speling. If I came across like I was giving Bali shit, not my intention, fucking love the culture, people and place!

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©2018 by Max Price.