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EXCUSES TO DRINK LESS PISS


Sub-heading

Do Something That Is More Fulfilling Than Drinking Piss

I’ve been drinking a fair bit recently. Last week I was interstate, went to the Drake concert (lol), Melbourne cup, catching up with mates and my birthday. Bender. Fuck it was fun but towards the end I was waking up regretting it more and more.

Few reasons, spending heaps of coin, feeling like pure aids each morning, my rig started to get sloppy but the biggest one for me was I wasn’t doing life admin, working on passion projects or any actual work.

I was more; ordering ubereats, watching 10 minutes of a Netflix series before realizing I was scrolling Facebook and missed key plot points on the show, changing series and farting a lot.

What I am realizing now I’m in the late 20’s is how sad it can be sober/hungover compared to being drunk. Being happy by being drunk is very easy. Pour fermented liquid into mouth hole; repeat = Feel good. But feel good without alcohol is hard… It’s get that raise, get debt free, open that side business, write that book, save lots of cash.

All those things would make you feel better than alcohol but the steps are harder than pouring Grandpa's old cough medicine into your talking hole.

A couple of things I want to go on about… First one is realizing getting on the piss is still sick fun, I wouldn’t recommend people not do it because drinking has it’s place.

I want to say/mention/spiel/word vomit that if you are waking up with forward thinking regret rather than back thinking regret I’d slow up on the drink.

By that I mean, if you got maggot somewhere, did a beer bong in front of your family then spewed at the dinner table, told your Auntie you think her jewellery business looks shit, passed out naked on an outdoor beanbag and regret it, who gives a shit? That’s fine. If that’s all your regretting you’re fine…

But if you’re waking up in the morning hungover and regretting that task you were mean to do that day, something you postpone again because you’ve got a headache. Pushing that venture/dream/goal back another day because of the night before THAT’S when I think you’ve got the issue and you should seriously think about pulling back.

Now, easing up on the drink doesn’t mean zero social life, don’t be a person that can only be social while drinking. A bad habit I use to have fo sho. So keep going to social events, it’s important so you can learn to socialise without froffs.

I bet you're thinking, "my drunk mates are fucking annoying when I'm sober."

I don’t know many people have heard this one before by mates when you’ve tried to have a quiet one - ‘pussy’, ‘just have a couple’, ‘don’t be such a pussy’, ‘you’re a fucking pussy’, ‘pussy’, etc.

Here are some not so traditional ideas on pulling back/avoiding being heckled by drunk M8's:

1. Get a beer. Don’t just rule it all out, have ONE beer or 2 light beers. Drink slowly and get out when you can, driving there and home.

2. Fake drink. This is a good one. Get a soda water in a tall glass and ask the bartender to put a lime in it with a straw. Boom, you have yourself a vodka lime soda. Smash them all night, no one will know.

3. Lie about a minor health problem. Fuck it. Questions stop as soon as you mention something is wrong with you. A few suggestions; ‘Have this flem in my lung’, ‘On antibiotics for these hives’, ‘stomach ulcers’, ‘swollen (insert a genital)’. That last one may raise more questions actually.

4. Book some insurance. Tee up a healthy activity with someone healthier than you in the early morning. I say healthier than you so you both can’t text each other at 10pm Sat night ‘Oi bruh I’m actually getting on it let’s scrap tomorrow yeah?’ You don’t want to let down the healthy person.

There are a couple tips to slow up drinking… I’ve never woken up hungover and said ‘Fuck, I wish I drank more last night…’

Good luck.

I’ve been on hiatus for a while since I’ve been in Bali drinking Bintangs (and started to get forward regret), I’m moving up to Sydney in a week then I’ll be back annoying everyone.

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©2018 by Max Price.